The Bay Gull

In times of hardship, there are those who come out on top in glory. They face adversity of the highest degree, and become legends told for generations. 

The tragedy of Bobby Bay Gull at homecoming is not one of these legends, but definitely a tale to be told nonetheless. It’s been weeks since Wolfie began his suspension after his hazing scandal, and with no sign of Wolfie returning for Homecoming this year, Stony Brook looked to replacement mascot Bobby Bay Gull for some school spirit. 

And so, Bobby Bay Gull was tasked with bringing together a community reeling from the Wolfie suspension–and also midterms. But Bobby, the sesame smelling-and-gobbling Frankenstein, was unable to capture Wolfie’s magic. Since his appointment, Bobby has tried to do all the things that made Wolfie so special, such as walking around campus, or his signature dance moves. However, to Bobby’s surprise, he has no arms or legs. This made getting around understandably difficult for Bobby. 

During peak hours, Bobby would get caught in the crowds of students and get stepped on. On one gruesome occasion, hungry students tried to eat Bobby. One of these formerly-hungry students said in an exclusive interview, “That thing is a mascot? That’s so weird, he isn't all that different from the food they serve here. Are you sure it’s a mascot? It said on the Corq app there was a ‘free food’ event with a bagel emoji.” Another student was rattled by the ordeal. “This is why we need Wolfie back. No one was trying to eat him. Although I heard he ate someone.” 

In a desperate bid, Bobby released a limited-edition merch line at Shop Red West, hoping that students with money to waste would take notice, but no one wanted to buy a Bobby Bay Gull Blanket or a water bottle with Bobby’s trademark donut hole in the center. With no other options, Bobby hoped that an appearance at the Homecoming Game would sway the masses. 

At 11:08 AM, Bobby arrived at the tailgate fully decked out in his merch and armed with a growth mindset. In a vision the night before, Bobby had seen himself flipping and flopping all over the field, even making a touchdown catch with his signature hole. In a sea of fans, he could see a bright light shining on him, as he wiggled up and down with the crowd, like that one time when Grimace went to the Mets Game on the subway. He believed that the world, eventually, had to accept that Bobby Bay Gull would be the temporary face of Stony Brook University. 

Bobby was wrong. The fans revolted, picking Bobby up and tossing him around, as one does with a pool floaty. For six grueling hours, Bobby was torn to shreds, with feathers and sesame seeds littering LaValle. The Administration, shocked by the backlash, decided that it would be for the best if Bobby Bay Gull was indefinitely sidelined and Wolfie reinstated from his suspension. When asked for a comment on his reinstatement, all Wolfie could humbly say was, “Grr, ruff ruff woof, grrrrrrr Aarf!” Classic Wolfie!

Bobby Bay Gull post-defeat. Artist rendition by Jamie Calub.