The Bay Gull

Oh, what a night! Eagles soared, Chiefs walked around a little bit, and Bobby Bay Gull stole the Super Bowl 59 Halftime Show. Bobby has come a long way from the forgotten and floppy Bay Gull mascot. After Bobby was torn to shreds at Stony Brook University’s Homecoming Game last semester, he had a lot of time to think about his career and his future while in recovery. Bobby was universally hated on and eaten alive during his time at Stony Brook, and he was starting to believe that perhaps his time as a mascot was coming to an end. 

That was until Bobby’s arch nemesis, The Dodo, called him out in his newest featured song, “First Bird Pecker,” with Dodo saying he (The Dodo) was the best mascot. The Dodo and Bobby came up from the same New York borough, and they had seemed to be made of the same dough, though with time they grew apart and began to despise each other. So just like that, Bobby was back, and the feud between Bobby and The Dodo came to life. 

After some back and forth online through various media outlets and diss tracks, Bobby Bay Gull was clearly having his way with his arch-nemesis. Bobby looked to end the debate of best mascot, once and for all. Bobby released the diss track, “Not Like Ducks,” receiving critical acclaim from many of the greatest mascots in the game. Brutus Buckeye, from the Ohio State University, was reportedly left speechless.

One Stony Brook University student told us, “Wow, I can’t believe Bobby went to school here. I can’t believe I am standing right where he once stood, you see this, this is exactly where that one kid started to eat him last semester.”

Bobby Bay Gull’s rise to stardom made it all the way to one of the world’s greatest entertainment feats, leading to Bobby being asked to perform at the Super Bowl 59 Halftime Show. Although a lesser-known rapper, Kendrick Lamar, was expected to perform, Lamar told us, “Nah, this is better.” 

Thus, the day had finally arrived, February 9th, otherwise known as Bobby’s time. After a treacherous first half of the game, Bobby was tasked with hyping up a crowd of upper-class football fans with some avian puns and music. Prior to the performance, the Dodo slammed Spotify with a lawsuit, citing it wasn’t being truthful with how many people were listening to Bobby’s “Not Like Ducks,” and claimed that many of the listeners were bots. Bobby, with all the power of the entertainment world at his fingertips, put on a performance that will remain in the minds of many people’s Instagram feeds for at least 2 weeks. 

The performance was so well received, that the Kansas City Chiefs went into the second half with a new fire in their hearts, as one Bay Gull reporter claimed they caught team leaders saying, “We can’t let those Dodos beat us, let’s win this thing, let’s win for Bobby!” 

As powerful of an inspiration Bobby was to the team, the Kansas City Chiefs continued to be blown out and lost to the Philadelphia Eagles, 40-22. 

Before flopping off into the night, wondering where his next adventure would take him, Bobby gave his final remark about his squabble with The Dodo saying, “SQUAAAK!” 

At least, that’s what Bobby told us from his interview at the Stony Brook University Hospital. Nothing has been the same for Bobby since he was torn to shreds at last year's Homecoming Game. To be honest, we really felt bad for him when he asked us to cover a story about him again. And when we showed up to his nest, which was really more of a room with some random objects, he just started talking about this halftime show. Probably from all the medication he was under from that whole being torn to shreds thing. You should all be ashamed for not appreciating his floppy and lovable personality. At least he’s a mascot who doesn’t haze people.

Oh, Bobby, what a night.