The Bay Gull

The SBU Cat Network, who really should follow us back on Instagram, announced that a 3-year-old male, vaccinated cat named Mark trekked across the continental United States. This marks the first recorded attempt by a cat to run across the U.S. in history, as there is no verifiable data proving otherwise. But everyone keeps asking the same question: why? 

Mark, who was found in a pile of garbage in a Philadelphia alleyway by the time we caught up with him, told The Bay Gull, “Meow Meow meow Meow. Meow Meow meow Meow meow. Meow Meow meow Meow. Meow Meow meow Meow Meow, meow meow Meow meow, meow Meow Meow meow meow?” It was after the interview when we realized that we likely found a different stray cat that seemed like it was trying to sing “What Was I Made For?” and Mark was still running around somewhere. We decided that if we were really going to get our answer, we needed to turn to the source–the SBU Cat Network. 

We found the club trying to solve a potential murder in SAC Ballroom B, possibly involving the Meowfia. The Vice President of the SBU Cat Network, Janice Wright, said, “Our mission is to safely trap, neuter, chip, and release the feral cats who live on campus. What they decide to do after that is up to them. If they want to spread some sort of social message or make a political statement by running across the country, that’s their prerogative and not specifically endorsed by our club. Anyways, would you like to join us for murder mystery night? We have mystery prizes!”

After being rudely kicked out, we didn’t know where to turn. Mark could be in Kansas already, and there’d be no way for us to find him. Even the club couldn’t tell us where he was or why he was doing this. 

Many students around campus were starting to get worried about Mark, since he stopped appearing on the SBU Cat Network Instagram several days ago. We asked Carisa Starks, a senior studying Sustainability Studies, who adopted a cat from the club recently, about her thoughts.

“Well, over the winter break, I decided to stay on campus because I adopted a cat from the SBU Cat Network named Grape.” When we asked Carisa about Mark, she exclaimed, “Oh my days! I f***ing love that cat! He’s so cute and I really like what he’s doing on the road. He’s definitely trying to topple the oligarchy, or maybe he’s making a general statement about poverty? Whatever it is, he has my full support! Also, if you see my roommate, Rachel, can you just subtly tell her that I may have adopted a cat, I don’t know if she knows, I’ve been keeping it a secret.”

Just when all hope seemed to be lost, we received word that Mark was seen for real at the Santa Monica Pier in Los Angeles, California–not Kansas (thank god). Just after Mark’s final part of his run, he called a press conference with the world’s media to explain why he ran. Mark announced, “Me thinks meow likes to meow run.” It was a shocking revelation that in the time that it took for Mark to run from New York to California, he also learned how to speak English. What else can this cat do?