The Bay Gull

Late last Friday night, a group of Stony Brook residents were walking back from a party when they came across an unfamiliar-shaped object that seemed to be moving around in the woods near Tabler.

Sources say the creature was almost six feet tall and had no arms. One student said  it looked like a “frowning man who lost his limbs,” while another reported that it looked like a “strange, upright deer.”

An additional eyewitness, who refused to give their name explained, “I was with my boys and we were walking back to our dorms, when all of a sudden this weird-looking thing starts moving around in the forest area over there. It didn’t make any noise or anything, but it looked like it was coming towards us. I started yelling at it to scare it away—and it did, for a moment. Later, we were close to Tabler when we heard like an extra pair of steps, you know, and then one of us turned around and said, ‘awww, man’ and we ran away as fast as we could.” 

Witnesses say the unidentified creature in the woods could be a genus of Creeper, a subspecies of human capable of destroying land and killing people. Campus police and government officials are investigating the whereabouts of this bewildering menace.

There will now be a curfew on campus until the investigation succeeds. This morning, the president announced he would put a ban on leaving residential halls between sundown and sunrise until further notice. As for commuters, they are advised to leave campus before 9 pm.