50,000 Stony Brook Students Petition to Purchase Binghamton University
What you need to know about the SMPO Binghamton acquisition petition
Stony Brook
April 3, 2025
A Stony Brook University petition received approximately 50,000 signatures from students, faculty, and alumni to purchase the lesser-known SUNY Binghamton University. This petition was created by the “Students for More Parking Organization,” a Stony Brook student-led group that focuses on lobbying the school for more parking lots for students.
The SMPO President, Mae Ryans, a senior majoring in Economics told The Bay Gull in an exclusive interview, “Let's be real, there is simply not enough parking on campus. Sure, you could get a permit for Lot 40, but that place is icky. We should just buy Binghamton and use it for more parking, it’s only a 4-5 day walk, tops!”
“No Parking Anytime!” said the group when the Wolfieland Carnival took over parking lots 12 and 13. An anonymous source within the SMPO told us, “Yeah we told them right where they could stick it. We said if they didn’t leave by Monday, there would be a lot more than mail inside their mailbox.”
The Wolfieland Festival took place on Saturday, September 14th last year, two days before the SMPO’s Monday deadline. “Did our organization get suspended for the rest of the semester because of that? Who’s to say?” The SMPO was suspended expeditiously after their supposed threat.
We then asked the president, again, what made this petition so popular in the Stony Brook community. Ryans told us, “Wait, do the names of these people technically need to be real, because what if I hypothetically asked Chat GPT to generate 49,997 names? That’s still fine, right? Outside of myself, my minion, and my stupid ex-boyfriend Chad, I had a really hard time getting anyone to sign.”
When we reached out to Binghamton University for a comment on the petition, the telephone operator told us that their number was no longer in service. Then we received a strange email from a Binghamton University address saying, “Open this link, it is DEFINITELY NOT a virus,” in the subject line. We can only assume that the link was an invitation for SBU to acquire Binghamton University, because when we did open the link our computer restarted and has not turned back on 🙁. Also, we now have no money.