The Bay Gull

Hi Lord Bryce P. Tetraeder, 

We at The Bay Gull are devastated by the delay in the sale of InfoWars to Global Tetrahedron. For these four long months, we have held out on our gracious offer, which you will soon be enlightened with, in the hopes that Infinite Growth would Persist. Although we still have faith(!), we would like to extend our assistance. 

And so, our proposition. We believe in the mission of Global Tetrahedron

; flesh devouring, porcupine breeding, and all that, and would like to offer you another opportunity to take over a conservative conspiracy site: us. We currently report on Superbly-Articlated Transcendent Instances of Radical Editoriality, but if it would give the Global Tetrahedron brand family pleasure, we’re glad to go conservative and then to world domination under your gentle hand. 

The Bay Gull is a new organization, but we are committed to showing you how deserving we are of membership in the Global Tetrahedron brand family. We ourselves are very much a family, as we know your brands are; we gather each Tuesday at 7 PM just to study your magnitude, and spend a great deal of time thinking about fake things to tell each other. 

We are fully committed to showing you what we are capable of, and what we could do under the Global Tetrahedron brand. We’ll even take less than $1.75 million–we are more of a bargain deal than the Infowars purchase!

We will be releasing a series of articles that we hope to be in the spirit of what Infowars could have represented for you, under the name of The Dododecagon to pay tribute.

Yours to dominate,

The Bay Gull